ISSUE THIRTY NINE
ERICA SARLO GIFTS, SWEATERS, DEAD STUFF
Our poodle’s groomer gave her a cut that looks like a lesbian aunt from Ohio. I love a simple rainy week in LA. The evening before Veteran’s Day, I realized I was single parenting and without childcare for both of my offspring. I know this sounds like a joke but it was a terrifying realization. I loaded up the stroller with snacks/ bottles/ helmets/ scooters/ hats/ bathing suits and we hit the slab with no plan. We eventually found friends, got pancakes, went swimming. Joy made me get another dad’s phone number because he liked playing with his seemingly mute 3 y/o daughter “Rocky.” I had the best day. This is probably the least interesting thing I have ever written in ROTV but the key to this beautiful day was leaving my phone behind.
This week’s additions to the GIFT SHOPPE is major because I convinced one of the most beautiful minds in the business of taking care of business to share with me her thoughts on gift giving. Erica Sarlo is my producer, boss, dear friend and life coach. She has been quoted in the press as being the preeminent “Gala Whisperer” of New York City and together we have thrown bachelorette parties, exhibitions, weddings, dinners, fashion shows and bar mitzvahs. There’s nothing this woman can’t do. Hire her but know she’s not cheap.
We met in 2007 in an Advanced Poetry Workshop at RISD (image below) and didn’t much like each other. We both occupied similar spaces in the classroom (Smart, Fat, and Funny) It’s taken some time to harness our power together.
When one has exquisite taste, it’s hard to be friends with someone who often has better taste than you, but we make do.
without further ado I give you
I’ve been quoted saying “my sacred gift is merch” so LFG.
Gift-giving isn’t about scale, it’s about thoughtfulness. (Unless the thought is scale.) That just means if you aren’t spending major cash, don’t wait until the last minute and think about it.
A rule of thumb:
If you’re considering keeping it for yourself, it’s a good gift.
But give it anyway. It feels better than hoarding (@my dear friend, Zoe + more of you hoarders reading).
And expect nothing in return.
Traditionally, a soon-to-marry couple would register for silver or china. Everyone who loves you would be building a whole set together, a physical manifestation of “it takes a village”. I like that and I love a weirner werkstätte tabletop. (Plus I interned at the Neue Galerie design shop when I was suspended from art school.)
Speaking of drugs, a friend gave a bag of cocaine as a wedding gift recently which I thought was very classy. Although Weed is probably easier for some of you...
And speaking of good taste, give a gift they will Never Forget with these 9/11 rugs. I know ROTV loves a rug.
If you are bad at gifting, keep it small - like I gave a friend this knife phone case before a vacation and also a sad airplane story, TSA took it away :(
Another friend would like me to remind the ROT world that I’m single, which may explain why I’m drawn to these paper-mâché meat sculptures (there are multiple butcher cuts and different sizes). But also iconic ornaments are elite for someone slightly more basic or slightly more Italian.
One of the only thoughtful gifts I’ve ever received from my Italian father was a Tiffany pen with the “hope” of a future monumental sign. Otherwise, he has most frequently gifted me gags like a whoopie cushion.
If only he were a different type of gay man who would gift me this old Helmut keychain. And I’m sure the right person reading this would want these ankle chains .
I have to say that I pined for this incense holder for over a year. And it feels like a test to not buy.
Or for the “healing” friend with a lot of “quacks” (also me), a Biomat made of amethyst crystals, gift of actual vibes. You can pair it with A New Earth or a back handed candle for “employment.”
In a different category of all is merch. If you have more time and more thought, making an at scale temp tatt of the tattoo they spent $15k to remove will always get a rise. Other ideas include a monogrammed yeti, a crude image-wrapped speaker or mini vinyl decals of the crazy shit they say like “I don’t buy drugs, I just do them” - Mike Eckhaus. Find what’s embarrassing, print a lot of them and distribute.
& always hoard supplies, wrap it in metallic brown paper and these rope tassels.
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what a woman.
as always, I’ve been looking at sweaters. I know you guys love sweaters here’s a little dump of them. Perhaps this year is the year you have the pleasure of giving a sweater as a gift. I also remodeled THE SWEATER SHOPPE. tons more in here.
HALF ZIP RED WOOL. annoyed by tory’s continuation of perfect sweater proposals.
ROUNDED SLEEVE GREY. Doen is not usually my thing but I’m drawn to this shape maybe because I have two children now.
GESQUIERE SCI FI Turtleneck 2003.
prob top 10 one of the greatest sweaters ever made. OLD PHEOBE DOUBLE BREASTED GREY BOUCLE she has a SISTER HERE 2014.
MARNI VERY FUN STRETCH ARMSTRONG SLEEVE. This is one spunky sweater.
SPACE DYED YELLOW 1970S YSL THAT COMES WITH A WIG. what more does one need?
MARGIELA SHRUNKEN TEE. layering device. instant style.
MARLED OLIVE WITH GREEEN COLLAR another TB thought in the sweater perfection convo.
MARLED COTTON MARNI. Simple pleasures here. Good price.
TROMP L-OIEL CARDIGAN CREW not sure if this is interesting to non knit nerds but it certainly is to me.
EL ALPACA/WOOL BOMBER, tossing my hat in the ring here on the perfect sweater contest. I’ve been wearing this almost everyday and it is sheer pleasure. Weighted and hefty gives security blanket vibes.
MOSCHINO COUTURE STRIPE here for the fringe.
DRIES TURTLENECK WITH SLEEVE SURPRISE. I usually say no to anything metallic in yarn but Dries goes hard with it and I must respect. This one felt festive.
FERRE TIE BACK MASTERPIECE. Must clock and see all angles of this gorgosity.
YOHJI EXTENDED PRIEST. We are not worthy.
Sometimes it’s nice to give someone the gift of something imbued with spirit (or possibly haunted.) I grew up with a taxidermy albino red tail hawk in my bedroom above my bed. Legend has it that my great grand father shot it because it was going for his chickens. Before you sic PETA on me, please know that I am not condoning killing animals for profits or decorations here. I have had extended periods of vegetarianism and preoccupations with animal husbandry, I’m fascinated by the provenance of meat even more than sweaters tbh!
Humans have long had a twisted little history employing far less empathy towards our animal brethren and making some wild objects out of thier bodies. I’m interested in caring for those objects, not making new ones.
It seems that the COWBOY DUCKLING has sold out. I don’t like the idea of pre-ordering something dead but I am too intrigued by this crafts person in Tulsa who seems to be combining dead animals and Barbies?
PUFFER FISH LAMP. god is great.
KATSUOBUSHI BLOCK.I love bonito. For your dashi loving friend. Pair with this blade SHAVER BOX
ARTIST AND HIS MUSE SCENE. Late 19th Century. Requires some time to follow this link and zoom into the pure poetry of this scene. The cigarette, the pet chick on the chain… You’re welcome. What if, as a RISD alumnus, I purchased and donated this to the Nature Lab?
LEATHER CAMEL. Let’s leave those Giraffes behind. What your kids actually want next to their cribs at night is an almost life size, possibly actual camel skin leather camel.
SAMOYED HUSKY SOCKS. Chiengora always.
EXOTIC SPONGE DECOR. I’ve spoken of her before but she’s still available to make someone’s life brighter. I want to put little test tubes in the holes and use as vase. TALLOW LIP BALM. Tallow seems to be everywhere, like collagen. I like this stuff made from rendered beef fat and lanolin from wool. Remember the business in fight club where they make soap from the fat from the liposuction clinic? I feel us getting closer everyday.
COW SPOTTED TOSCANA SHEARLINGS From my favorite deadstock leather supplier in Santa Cruz, Leatherwise.
CAJUN TURDUCHEN WITH SHRIMP AND CRAWFISH What a wild time to be alive. Available at Bergdorfs.
RUSSIAN SABLE WITH EXTRAORDINARY HOOD. I’m sorry but there’s a part of all of us who wants to be shrouded in this garment. There’s enough dead animals to go around at this point and again I’m not condoning breeding and killing more fox/coyote/sable/chinchilla so that i can possibly look FAB. More and more I see upcycled fur. It’s expensive, it should be. If you have one you don’t like, there’s this CASH FOR FUR COATS org. This project NEREJA involves an exVogue editor repurposing old furs into new gorgeous shapes- look at this MINK COLLAR. 1st dibs seems to have over 9,000 used FUR items in its inventory. Go forth, with love.
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-I am about to click purchase on this monogrammable pouch that no one in my home is asking for.
-upgrading the kids bedside situation with two of these black and blue ones because the price is right and they hide a multitude of messes
-went to the Nikkei Progressives annual estate sale fundraiser and got a few old Japanese laquerware tiny bowls. Similar HERE HERE and HERE.
Erica covered in ketchup? carrie? and me as decomposing cat, halloween 2007.